Retired husbands....

After retiring  a mans lovely wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips  to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and  preferred to get in and get out..

Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women   loves to  browse. Yesterday the dear wife received the following letter from  the local Target.
Dear Mrs Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion  in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced  to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our  video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other  people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off at  5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the womens restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares", get on it right away.  This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor, that in turn resulted with a union grievance  causing Management to loose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms  on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the  children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows  and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children  obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began  crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"  EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as  a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he  asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly  humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna  Look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed  through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he  assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES  AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited  awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in  here.' One of the clerks passed out.

      * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The moral of the story... "Leave your husband home" the next time you go
shopping at Target,,, or any store for that matter !
Hope this cute story brought a smile to your faces on this Saturday am.. I'm sure many of you can relate!
thanks to my sis for this.


Granny said...

That was cute. I'm glad that Grampy enjoys shopping. In fact he enjoys it more than I do. If I want to find him I look in the automotive or electronics department. lol

Granny said...

Oops, forgot to say that I love your new header.

Fantastyk Voyager said...

That made me laugh long and hard! Thanks for sharing.

Pondside said...

Very cute - I had to read this when I saw the title. The joys of a having a retired husband far outweigh the challenges, however there are moments...

Karen said...

Oh, how funny! My husband isn't retired yet, but I think it would be fun to do some of these things myself! (Must be my sleep apnea talking, right?)

Something Nice and Pretty said...

That was so funny I had to laugh, my husband hates to shop and he is retired...I leave him home when I go to Target or any store for that matter. Thanks for the smile!

Sunny Day said...

I am usually laughing to myself when I read "funnies", but I had to chuckle several times out loud with this one. Once I even laughed out loud. Can you tell I liked it?